suicide

this story is definitely not one I share because it isn't about me. i would NEVER even think about committing suicide. just thinking about it makes me want to throw up. and i am still not sure why i am sharing this.... 

it was the first week of october 2012. i had been best friends with this girl for a year. (let's call her becca). she had told me about her previous attempts in commuting suicide, which scared me more than anyone can imagine.   i told my mom about it, and she decided to contact beccas dad. he told my mom that he was aware of it and that becca had talked to someone after the attempts. 

we had hung out on a monday, and had tons of fun! we went and walked around the sotre i work at, and we were just acting like "normal" ternage girls. 

the next day she didn't come to school because she was feeling sick. we were just texting each other while i was at school. and when i got home, i had forgotten about my phone. i looked at it an hour later and saw she had texted me at least 10 times. she  was telling me that she needed help. i thought that someone was at her house. i tried texting and calling, but she wouldn't answer. i asked her if i should call the police, and kept asking her a bunch of other questions. after trying to figure out what was going on she text me saying, "they're here." i told my dad that something was wrong with becca, and headed down to her house. 

when i got there, there were three police cars outside her house. i jumped out of my car and ran over to her. i asked her what was wrong, and she proceeded to tell me that she had tried to commit suicide. tears filled my eyes, i was full of anger, confusion, and sadness. i couldn't believe what I had just heard..... i couldn't even look at her. all i could ask was, "why?". after she tried to explain her reasoning. i turned to her neighbor and told her to keep me up to date on where she would be and how she was doing. 

it felt like one of those moments in movies, when everything goes in slow motion, while i walked back to my car. and once i got back in my car, everything I had been holding in, burst out. 

this was definitely one of the worst experiences I have been through. and i hope that no one will ever have to deal with a friend or family member who wants to, or has committed suicide.