Truth or Dare?

1. I am a girl 
2. I have one older half brother and two younger sisters 
3. I hate living in Utah 
4. I danced for 11 years 
5. I LOVE my family! 
6. I made a ton of new friends this year :) 
7. I used to be friends with a girl who was suicidal 
8. I liked the same guy from the end of sophomore year, to the half of senior year (waste of my time/life) 
9. I haven't had my first kiss! #VL
10. I only have one grandparent alive. My grandma. 
11. I hate my job, but I love the people I work with 
12. My favorite holiday is Halloween! 
13. My birthday is October 23rd 
14. I have never seen Mary Poppins 
15. I am self conscious about the way I look 
16. I am excited, but really scared to graduate 
17. I have a dog 
18. My first dogs name was Cassidy 
19. I HATE the word moist..... #throwup 
20. I love to surf, wakeboard, and wake surf 
21. I love the movie Talladega Nights! And I watched it with the waste-of-time/life guy
22. My grandpa died the day before my 4th birthday 
23. My favorite number is 23  
24. I love Seinfeld  
25. I have ridden an elephant 
26. I am related to one of the queen Elizabeth's 
27. I am related to Butch Cassidy 
28. My other grandpa died on July 24th 
29. I love to serve others
30. My grandma died on Mother's Day 3 years ago 
31. I am sympathetic and empathetic 
32. I am 5'8 
33. I LOVE Hawaii 
34. Despicable Me is one of my favorite movies 
35. My grandma had Alzheimer's 
36. Vampire diaries is one of my favorite tv shows 
37. I love hanging out with my friends 
38. I hate being the center of attention 
39. I want to go to Europe more than anything!
40. I can't whistle
41. I am me, and that's all there is to it! 

Here's to Never Growing Up

Singing Radiohead at the top of our lungs
With the boom box blaring as we're falling in love
I got a bottle of whatever, but it’s getting us drunk
Singing here's to never growing up

Call up all our friends
Go hard this weekend
For no d*** reason,
I don't think we'll ever change

Meet you at the spot,
Half past ten o'clock
We don't ever stop,
And we're never gonna change

Say, oh just say forever, stay
If you stay forever, hey
We can stay forever young

Singing Radiohead at the top of our lungs
With the boom box blaring as we're falling in love
I got a bottle of whatever, but it’s getting us drunk
Singing here's to never growing up

We'll be running down the street, yelling kiss my a**
I'm like yeah whatever, we're still living like that,
When the sun's going down, we'll be raising our cups
Singing here's to never growing up
Oh woah oh woah here's to never growing up
Oh woah oh woah here's to never growing up

We live like rock stars
Dance on every bar
This is who we are,
I don't think we'll ever change

They say just grow up but they don't know us
We don't give a f*** and we're never gonna change

Say, oh just say forever, stay
If you stay forever, hey
We can stay forever young

Singing Radiohead at the top of our lungs
With the boom box blaring as we're falling in love
I got a bottle of whatever, but it’s getting us drunk
Singing here's to never growing up

We'll be running down the street, yelling kiss my a**
I'm like yeah whatever, we're still living like that,
When the sun's going down, we'll be raising our cups
Singing here's to never growing up

Oh woah oh woah here's to never growing up
Oh woah oh woah here's to never growing up

Say, won't you stay forever stay
If you stay forever hey
We can stay forever young

Ohhhhhhh

Singing Radiohead at the top of our lungs
With the boom box blaring as we're falling in love
I got a bottle of whatever, but it’s getting us drunk
Singing here's to never growing up

We'll be running down the street, yelling kiss my ***
I'm like yeah whatever, we're still living like that,
When the sun's going down, we'll be raising our cups

Singing here's to never growing up
Oh woah oh woah here's to never growing up

Oh woah oh woah ( raise your glass and say )
Here's to never growing up 

-Avril Lavigne 

Memories that Last

Somehow... I remember...

I remember the cupboard I would hide my hair in after I would cut a piece off.

I remember when my mom opened the fridge and the salsa fell out and shattered all over the floor.

I remember dressing up like a bride and throwing my fake bouquet off the top of the stairs.

I remember having a room decorated with Winnie the Pooh characters.

I remember the rocking horse in the basement of my great aunts house.

I remember laughing at my friend because he said blueberry muffin.

I remember the first time I jumped in our swimming pool here in Utah.

I remember who the first person was that said hi to me my first day of school in 3rd grade at my new
school.

I remember the lights being out on my first day of 3rd grade.

I remember breaking my wrist at my friends house.

I remember waking up after I had surgery in my mouth.

I remember watching my dog fall down the stairs.

I remember spraying windex in my eyes.

I remember eating a pepper flavored jelly bean.

I remember the way my grandpas prickly beard felt on my face.

I remember my grandpa laying out in our front yard with only his garments on, and I remember watching him run up the front porch when the sprinklers turned on.

I remember the phone call my aunt and uncle received at 2 in the morning.

I remember the bruises my cousin had on his wrists from the handcuffs.

I remember finding out that my grandpa had died, and I remember dropping the fireworks I had in my hands.

I remember the first girls choice dance I went to.

I remember the way he put his arm around my waist.

I remember the first time he held my hand.

I remember the day he stopped talking to me.

I remember the day you hugged me, and pretending like nothing had happened.

I remember being hurt.

I remember moving on.

I remember being happy.

I remember my brother telling me about all the mistakes he has made.

I remember being scared.

Enlightened

Things I learned at school this week: 

Crap........ I can't remember.

Oh wait.

1. I learned that one girls name 
2. I finally figured out who I like (but I didn't really learn that, I just figured it out) 
3. I learned what a dork is........ Ew......     

Yup.  That's about it. 

S'mores

How to make the best s'more in the world:

1. Get honey maid graham crackers, Hershey's milk chocolate king size bar, and giant marshmallows   
2. Light fire 
3. Crush a whole pack of graham crackers into "dust" 
4. Roast the marshmallow over the red coals in the fire until golden (or however you like your marshmallow) 
5. Melt the chocolate into delicious brown liquid
6. Roll the roasted marshmallow in the chocolate until completely covered
7. Take the marshmallow, covered in chocolate, and roll it around in the graham cracker dust 
8. Enjoy! 
9. AFTER licking the excess grahamcrackermeltedchocolateroastedmarshmallows'morething, use a wet napkin to get the invisible sticky stuff off   

(I just realized that brown liquid does not sound appealing.... AT ALL..... So just melt it into...... melty chocolate)   :)

"And that's the way the cookie crumbles" 

- Jim Carrey (Bruce Almighty)

One of these days

I am going to graduate  

I am going to miss my friends 

I am going to forget about you

I am going to go to college

I am going to get a degree

I am going to travel around the world 

I am going to get engaged

I am going to have a family of my own

I am going to get hurt 

I am going to be successful 

I am going to make mistakes 

I am going to cry 

I am going to plan my children's weddings

I am going to move 

I am going to go to my parents funeral

I am going to have grandchildren  

I am going to lose family members and friends 

I am going to wish for a second chance 

Today just isn't that day

Just put your hand on my heart

I wish he knew how much I love him.  How can I show him?  Do I just tell him?  Wait.... Does he love me?  Is he just pretending?  How am I supposed to know if he does or not?  Do I ask him?  I can't tell him I love him if he doesn't love me.  He is supposed to make the first move.  He has to tell me he loves me, and then I'll tell him.  He doesn't seem like he loves me, but he does at the same time.  

I don't think I can wait any longer.  I'm just going to walk right up to him and tell him!  No....... I will just ask him. I can't ask him. I'll have my friend ask him.  

I can't do this.   

But I have to!!!  I need to know! 

Just breath. 

"I love you."

One Word

Hello. Goodbye. Wave. Ocean. Beach. Sand. Shore. Core. Crust. Pie. Banana. Strawberry. Shortcake. 

Show. Movie. T.V. Radio. Juke. Box. Hero. Superman. Batman. Cat. Woman. Man. Male. Mail. 

Open. Close. Drawer. Dresser. Clothes. Shoes. Socks. Feet. Ankles. Cankles. Fat. Skinny. Anorexic. 

Models. Pose. Picture. Camera. Shot. Gun. Fun. Toys. Play. Drama. School. Teachers. Teach. 

Students. Learn. Knowledge. Smart. Unintelligent. Intelligent. Confusing. Words. Search. Find. 

 Treasure. Pirates. Booty. Popcorn. Movie. Theater. Ticket. Speeding. Police. Doughnuts. Coffee. 

Hyper. Calm. Boring. Math. Science. Frogs. Tadpoles. Eggs. Chicken. Nuggets. McDonalds. 

Disgusting. Cafe. Rio. Delicious. Dessert. Desert. Hot. Cold. Ice. Cream. Milk. Cow. Moon. Space. 

Stars. Famous. Hollywood. Connection. Relationship. Over. Under. Thunder. Lightning. Rod. Hold. 

Drop. Dead. Alive. Human. People. Crowd. Surfing. Board. Chalk. Paint. Wet. Dry. Clean. Dirty. 

Mud. Dirt. Bag. Shop. Money. Wallet. License. Wedding. Bride. Groom. Ring. Phone. Cell. Bacteria. 

Pond. Rock. Concert. Music. Singing. Dance. Team. Sports. Football. College. Party. Birthday. 

Balloons. Helium. Chemistry. 

a word of advice.

Families

 

It's no secret that every family is different.  

There are families with 20 kids, and there are families with only 1.  

2 parents, 1 parent, families who do everything together, families that don't do anything together.  

So on and so forth. 

My family is different than a lot of families. 

I have a half brother, but I just call him my brother because that's what he is!!! 

We like to do things together as a family, but we do enjoy some time away from each other. 

I do feel like my siblings and I tend to compete for the title "Favorite Child." 

But I think that many families have that competition. 

If you are the only child in your family, let me just tell you that this competition is NOT a fun one!  

And sometimes it's easier to just assume that I'm not the favorite. 

I have told my mom that I know I'm not the favorite child...... 

NEVER say that to your mom/dad/parents! 

I sometimes wish that it was easier to feel like I am equal with my siblings. 

But I forget about the stupid "competition" most of the time. 

Family is a HUGE part of my life, and I am so glad that I got the family I have. 

And I would NOT trade them for anything or anyone in the world! 

Who's missing?

Humans

Have you ever let go of someone who meant so much to you, because of one stupid thing?  

Have you held on to someone who didn't deserve a second chance?  Why? 

Have you held on to something or someone because of the good memories, while you forgot the bad? 

Have you done things to impress people, even if you don't like what you have to do?

Have you been called weak because you showed your emotions? 

Have you held back your emotions because you're afraid of what people might think of you?  

If you answered yes to any of these it doesn't mean you are weak, it just shows that you are human.

My Sixer

The Things I Never Told You

   To my brother,  

Although you have done things that aren't the best, I still love you.  I will always look up to you.  Thank you for being honest with me. 

  To the guy I used to like, 

I'm sorry for being so stupid, and asking you that question.  If I had the choice I would rewind time just so I wouldn't have asked you, because I didn't want to, I was basically forced.  I don't want you to feel bad, but I want you to know that it hurt when you started ignoring me.  I had no idea what was going on, and it hurt to think that you would never to talk to me again.

  To my grandma,                                                                                                                 Thank you for everything.  Thank you for being such a great example to me. 

   To my cousin, 

I'm sorry that you have to listen to me complain all the time.  I'm sorry, even though I have to listen to you complain about not getting everything you want, even though you do. 

 

   To the last guy I went to a dance with, 

Seriously? 

  
   To my oldest little sister, 

You're hilarious and I love you.  But it would be nice if you could share mom and dad. 

   To my youngest sister, 
I love you, but you need to quit acting like a brat, and you need to be nice to mom.   
   
   To my parents, 
I'm sorry for the times I was a disappointment to you.  I am really trying to make you proud. 

17

I thought something would be different when I turned 17. 
I guess I thought all of my mistakes from the previous year would be forgotten. 
Obviously not. 
I guess it all comes down to the fact that, I was hoping to be happy by seventeen. I really was... 
I was hoping that I would be able to forget. 
Forget all the horrible things I did. 
Forget all the things I wish I would have done. 
And forget all the bad things people did to me. 

I wish there would have been some amazing feeling I would have felt the day I turned 17. 
I thought I wouldn't dwell on my past. 
Too bad I don't have a neuralyzer like they have in MIB. 
I would have used that thing a looong time ago. 

I don't understand why Zac Efron wanted to be 17 Again! I sure as hell wouldn't want to have to relive this year of my life ever again.   

I suppose I can't complain entirely, I mean, I have made a ton of new friends this year.  I learned a lot about myself, and about the people I thought were my friends.  I learned how to move on, and I realized that I shouldn't put my happiness in other peoples hands.

So..... I guess I will just have to remind myself that I can be happy, and that I have been happy.  And maybe when I turn 18 it will be better, but I won't be counting on it. 

F.A.I.L.

This is going to be kind of short, but I just wanted to share with you the meaning of FAIL.

F.A.I.L. stands for First Attempt In Learning. We will all fail at some point in our lives, but without failing, we would never succeed. Just remember that the next time you feel like you can't do something, just because you failed the first time.
             
                                     

suicide

this story is definitely not one I share because it isn't about me. i would NEVER even think about committing suicide. just thinking about it makes me want to throw up. and i am still not sure why i am sharing this.... 

it was the first week of october 2012. i had been best friends with this girl for a year. (let's call her becca). she had told me about her previous attempts in commuting suicide, which scared me more than anyone can imagine.   i told my mom about it, and she decided to contact beccas dad. he told my mom that he was aware of it and that becca had talked to someone after the attempts. 

we had hung out on a monday, and had tons of fun! we went and walked around the sotre i work at, and we were just acting like "normal" ternage girls. 

the next day she didn't come to school because she was feeling sick. we were just texting each other while i was at school. and when i got home, i had forgotten about my phone. i looked at it an hour later and saw she had texted me at least 10 times. she  was telling me that she needed help. i thought that someone was at her house. i tried texting and calling, but she wouldn't answer. i asked her if i should call the police, and kept asking her a bunch of other questions. after trying to figure out what was going on she text me saying, "they're here." i told my dad that something was wrong with becca, and headed down to her house. 

when i got there, there were three police cars outside her house. i jumped out of my car and ran over to her. i asked her what was wrong, and she proceeded to tell me that she had tried to commit suicide. tears filled my eyes, i was full of anger, confusion, and sadness. i couldn't believe what I had just heard..... i couldn't even look at her. all i could ask was, "why?". after she tried to explain her reasoning. i turned to her neighbor and told her to keep me up to date on where she would be and how she was doing. 

it felt like one of those moments in movies, when everything goes in slow motion, while i walked back to my car. and once i got back in my car, everything I had been holding in, burst out. 

this was definitely one of the worst experiences I have been through. and i hope that no one will ever have to deal with a friend or family member who wants to, or has committed suicide.

Quotes that Matter

"Cry as much as you want to, but just make sure when you're finished, you never cry for the same reason again." -Wiz Khalifa

"Be strong now, because things will get better.  It may be stormy now, but it can't rain forever." -Unknown

"Life always offers you a second chance.  It's called tomorrow."-Unknown

"You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel."-Johnny Depp

"Love is when someone else's happiness is more important than your own."-My Grandpa

"Forget your past, Forgive yourself and move on."-Unknown

"If you're brave to say "good bye", life will reward you with a new "hello".-Paulo Coelho

"When life gives you something that makes you feel afraid, that's when life gives you a chance to be brave."-Lupytha Hermin

"Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve."-Unknown

"Don't waste your time looking back for what you've lost. MOVE ON.  For life wasn't meant to be traveled backwards."-Unknown

"The past is like using your rear-view mirror in the car, its good to glance back and see how far you've come, but if you stare too long you'll miss what's right in front of you."-Unknown

"Life is short, so don't hold back. Forgive like you have amnesia, believe like a kid, love like crazy, and be yourself."-Unknown

"Don't do something permanently stupid just because you're temporarily upset."-Unknown

"The less you care.  The happier you'll be."-Unknown

"If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try."-Seth Godin

What My Bones Said

The bones that make up my body constantly tell me to forget, and just be happy.  "Forget your past and move on."  They tell me this at least twice a day.  "Forget the heartbreaks, the deaths, and the sadness." "Don't let the past control the present OR the future."  BE HAPPY!  How can I be happy after everything that has happened?  By remembering the good things.  I deserve to happy, you deserve to be happy, WE deserve to be happy.  I hear my bones trying to convince me that I do deserve happiness, but I don't feel like I should be happy because I always think of the bad things from my past.  It is hard to listen when I don't believe it to be true.  Sometimes feeling sad, and focusing on the bad is easier than thinking about the good things and being happy.  Do I really deserve to be happy?  This question nags at me all the time.  When in reality I should know the answer.  Yes! Yes I do deserve to be happy, just as much as the person who won the lottery, the family that was reunited with their grandma after she almost died, and the people who don't have a lot, but feel like they have everything.  My bones tell me that it's okay to be sad.  Just not all the time.  They tell me it's okay to feel angry, hurt, flustered, and especially HAPPY.  

I recently had a lady come through my line at work.  I followed the routine of asking how they are, and she replied with, "I'm happy."  I just looked up, smiled, and told her that I loved her answer.  She asked me how I was, and without letting me begin to reply, she told me that I could be happy too.  

It's those kind of people in the world who are the ones to make a difference.  Not necessarily a huge difference, but one that can change someones attitude and outlook on life.  

If we all choose to be happy and listen to what our bones tell us to do, we are going to end up much happier. 

Goobye

Am I supposed to put my life on holdBecause you don't know how to act?And you don't know where your life is going?
Am I supposed to be torn apartBroken-hearted in a corner cryin'?Pardon me if I don't show it
I don't care if I never see you againI'll be alrightTake this final piece of advice and get yourself togetherBut either way baby, I'm gone
I'm so over it, I've been there and backChanged all my numbers and just in case you're wonderin'I got that new I'm-a-single-girl swagGot me with my girls and we're singin' itSing!
Na na na na, na na na naHey hey hey, goodbyeNa na na na, na na na naHey hey hey, goodbye
Cut my hair 'cause it reminded me of youI know you like the long doHad to switch my attitude up
Thinkin' of changin' up how I rideNo more on the passenger sideToo bad you missed out on the way that I drive it
I don't care if I never see you againI'll be alrightTake this final piece of advice and get yourself togetherBut either way baby, I'm gone
I'm so over it, I've been there and backChanged all my numbers and just in case you're wonderin'I got that new I'm-a-single-girl swagGot me with my girls and we're singin' itSing!
Na na na na, na na na naHey hey hey, goodbyeNa na na na, na na na naHey hey hey, goodbye
H-hey, h-heyH-hey, goodbye
I'm so over it, I've been there and backChanged all my numbers and just in case you're wonderin'I got that new I'm-a-single-girl swagGot me with my girls and we're singin' itSing!
Na na na na, na na na naHey hey hey, goodbyeNa na na na, na na na naHey hey hey, goodbye
Na na na na, na na na na Hey hey hey, goodbye Na na na na, na na na na Hey hey hey, goodbye Goodbye 
-Kristinia DeBarge

Saying Goodbye

Before I'm gone I feel like I should say a few goodbye's.
First of all, I would like to say ayyyydios to High School!  I can honestly say that I won't be one of the people that misses high school.  So..... GOODBYE!!!! And hello to College!
I would like to say goodbye and good luck to the people who taught me valuable lessons, whether I appreciated what I had to go through in order to learn the lessons or not.
Goodbye to my so-called "friends".  Goodbye...... Ya, that's all I have to say.
Friends, people I never met, etc. Goodbye!  I hope you all have great lives!

I hope that my goodbyes, as well as yours, will bring great, new hellos.

Goodbye!

I Need to STOP!

A lot of us need to admit this to ourselves.  Honestly, how much longer can you live like this?  I can't do it any longer,  I need to STOP!

I need to stop thinking about you, it's stupid, and you obviously don't think about me.  I need to stop wishing my life away because one day I am going to wish for this time back.  I need to stop regretting the decisions I have made.  I made them, and there is no going back.  I am done feeling like I am not good enough, and that I am not skinny enough.  I am just done!  I don't want to feel like this anymore.  And I need to stop!

I need to stop being scared of what could happen, and focus on what is happening.  I need to stop forcing myself to believe in things that I don't believe.  I am done pretending.  I need to stop focusing on the bad things in my life, and start thinking about the good.

Why do I need to stop?
So I can be happy.

Isn't it all these things I need to stop that are causing me to be unhappy?  Ya......... They are.  Now, I am not just going to tell you all of the things that I should stop doing.  I am really going to stop doing these things.  Because I want to be happy.  And I would hope that you would also do this, just be yourself, and not worry!  Because YOU deserve to be happy!  :)

I'm not Scared. I'm just Afraid

I'm afraid.  I'm afraid of death and those creepy white rape vans!
No! I do NOT want your candy!!! Sorry about your cat, go ask that muscular guy over there to help you.

I'm afraid that my aunts great dane is going to eat me. (It's going to happen one day!)  I'm afraid that my sister is going to get cancer.  I'm afraid that I am going to walk into my grandmas house and find her dead.  I'm afraid of my parents getting a divorce, and of my brother getting a divorce (after he gets married) because of a stupid mistake he made.  I'm afraid of being alone FOREVER. #foreveralone.  And of getting in a car accident.

I'm afraid of being a disappointment to my family and friends.  I'm afraid of having my foot hammered into the floor! Eww!  Gross. Throw up everywhere!  

I'm afraid of getting Alzheimers.  My grandma had to go through it and it was a painful experience, not only for her, but her family as well.  I'm afraid of Barbies coming alive!  I'm afraid of saying too many goodbyes.  I am afraid of what I want in life.  I'm afraid of what he wants.  And secretly, I am afraid of you...

I'm Thinking About You Like....

I'm thinking about you.
I'm thinking about you like the sky thinks about stars.
Like stars think about the moon.
Like the moon thinks about the sun.
And the sun thinks about clouds.

I'm thinking about you like clouds think about rain.
Like rain thinks about falling.
Like falling thinks about catching.
Like catching thinks about my heart.
And my heart thinks about You.

I'm thinking about you like you think about sports.
Like sports think about first place.
Like first place thinks about happiness.
Like happiness thinks about sadness.
Like sadness thinks about death.
And death thinks about life.

I'm thinking about you like life thinks about tomorrow.
Like tomorrow thinks about yesterday.
Like yesterday thinks about mistakes.
Like mistakes think about success.
And success thinks about money.

I'm thinking about you like money thinks about cars.
Like cars think about driving.
And driving thinks about crashing.

I'm thinking about you like crashing thinks about the ground.
Like the ground thinks about shoes.
Like shoes think about socks.
Like socks think about warmth.
Like warmth thinks about hugs.
And hugs think about kisses.

I'm thinking about you like kisses think about Love.

Valentines Day...

I apologize, in advance, to the people who really like Valentines Day.  But really?  Someone PLEASE explain to me why we need one whole day that is, specifically, for expressing your love to someone.  Last I checked you could express your love to someone whenever you wanted...  I'm just sayin'. 

Valentines Day, in my opinion, is the most pointless holiday ever created!  I mean, I even wore Christmas socks to school this Valentines Day.  And that's saying a lot because I am ready for the snow to be gone,  and I don't want Christmas to come yet!  

I hate hearing people say, "Happy Single Awareness Day!"  I'm aware that I'm single every day.  Thanks for reminding me!  I almost forgot about being single for one whole day before you reminded me.  Psh....... Jerk!  At least I'm not one of the people making out in the hallway every day!  So quit reminding me that I'm single.

I realize that people like dressing up, getting chocolates, flowers, and teddy bears with hearts all over them.  But seriously?  You can get and/or give that kind of stuff to anyone ANY DAY!  I think everyone should pick a random day to give something to someone.  Because honestly, who wouldn't like getting a note, chocolates, flowers, or any other type of present on a random day?  It would definitely make that person feel special.  

So..... Enough with the little lovey-dovey Valentines Day crap!  Express your love to someone whenever you want!  And be that person who makes someone else feel special, not because you have to, but because you want to! 

What I Want

How could a four letter word mean so much? 

And make me feel this way?

It's too hard to let go of what I felt for you. 

But getting you back is even harder. 

How could my feelings towards you change so instantly?

Every day is a challenge to hide what I feel. 

It hurts to think it was love I felt

But now it's just a want

And what I want is you.  

I want you back in my life 

I want everything back to the way it used to be. 

The way we used to be. 

Love.....

Does love mean one thing?
No.

Love could be like how you love your family.  It could be the love you have for your friends.  The love you have for cheesecake! Yum! I LOVE cheesecake! Back to what I was saying........  OR it could be that type of love you feel when you see that special someone ;)

But how can a four letter word have the affect on you the way it does?  Honestly, I am wondering the same thing.

I know that love might seem a little gross, but everyone feels it!  Some people might agree with Adam Sandler in The Wedding Singer that "love stinks", and sometimes it does, but I don't think people notice that love isn't always about.... well.... loving someone passionately.

My grandpa's quote he lived by is "Love is when someone else's happiness is more important than your own."  And you know what?  That is exactly what I think it is.  And it can refer to any type of love that you are talking about, except for food.  If you love someone, wouldn't you want them to always be happy?  I would.  And I hope you would too!

Don't be afraid to love just because you feel like you will get hurt.  Unfortunately, you probably will at some point, but experiencing that hurt will be worth it in the end!  That's what I'm hoping anyways.......

Hurt

Do you feel the way I do?
The aching pain in my chest I feel when I see you.
Why do I still feel this,
Have you ever experienced this pain,
Will it ever go away,
Or will it always be a part of my life?
Is it going to drag me down,
Tear me apart?
It hurts to see you everyday,
And to see that you don't feel the way I do.
Do I wish that you would feel this way?
No.
I just wish you knew how I feel,

Hurt.

Being Alive

What does being alive mean to you?

Does it mean that you can bleed when you get hurt?  Does it mean that you can grow, and get older?  What do you think?

If you can bleed and grow, I think that you are alive.  Honestly though, the thing that makes being alive so real to me is the fact that you can feel.  You can feel the excitement and happiness from scoring a goal, or winning first place in a dance competition.  You can feel heartbreak when someone you love doesn't love you anymore.  The sadness you feel when a family member passes away, and realizing that you won't see them tomorrow.  You get to have that amazing experience of loving someone, and wanting to be with them forever. 

It's feeling all of these different emotions that wakes me up, because I wouldn't be able to feel those things if I was asleep.  I might have the imagination that I could feel those things, but it wouldn't be real. 

We all need to make sure that we can recognize what being alive is all about.  We need to "live in the moment", and remember everything we feel.  If you don't..... You will never understand what being alive is all about.

Intro

Most people know me as Fat Amy, but I want to show people who I really am, and I want to show you my serious side. 

My name is Fat Patricia and I want to share some things with you that I couldn't before now.  I am going to show you what I can do.  I hope you will read between the lines and hopefully you will be able to understand me a little more.